[A note for the reader: This article was written for my friend who went through a heartbreak. Written in first person to avoid complexities. I hope you like it.]
Okay. I don’t really know where to start from, how to start and what to write BUT since it has to start, let’s give this start the name of start. [If you were expecting to find a fervent or languish piece of writing under this title, then I'm sorry to disappoint you.]
“It’s not working anymore’’, She said.
‘’That’s entirely your fault’’, He said.
‘’Oh. It’s always my fault! Why don’t you dump me then?’’ she cried.
‘’Oh! I’d love to. I LEAVE YOU, girl! You don’t deserve me’’ he stated, he smiled, a haughty smile and left.
And, she howled and screamed and wailed. This world is selfish. Everything around me is depressing. I’m worthless, useless. I’m full of anxiety, uneasiness, and stress. Nobody loves me. I have nothing to look forward to. These troubles have adamantly stood beside me all through my short-lived-life. Oh God! Why don’t you just send a truck which hits me when I walk by the pavement and KILL ME? She pondered, and slept.
Hey! I’m a 21st century teenager. My boyfriend just dumped me. I loved him, but eventually things didn’t set right, because of ME, my shortcomings, defects, flaws and errors. [That’s what HE has to say, at least] I don’t really deserve to exist! I have nothing to freaking exist for! I mean come on? How would I face the world without a boyfriend, a wardrobe; which is so oblivion of all the “in” clothes? And, then the unholy absence of gadgets like an Xbox, android-supporting-cell phone, [which supports FB, Whatsapp, Viber, G-Talk, Skype], an iPod, iPad, just fills the basics. But that’s not all! I have to excel in every field [that’s what most of my elders expect, at least] And then, this size zero age. Which means, shaking my ass off this bean bag and more of walking, running, jumping, gyming! And, if that does not fit the bill, dieting might also peep through! But wait! That’s not where I end. I have to look fab. I have to buy a zillion of dresses. Watch all the latest movies. Update myself with all the happenings and mis-happenings. Maintain my ‘image’ in the society. Counsel a defeated friend. Modernize myself. ‘Behave’ in front of guys by making sure that I don’t wear short clothes, for that might ‘tempt’ them. Excel in all walks of life. Take care of pados-ki-meena-aunty, delhi-waali-bua and every tom-dick-harry around me. Update my Facebook profile, get some new pictures [and also, at least a hundred likes] Phew! I try to rest. But the thought of not getting admitted in a respectable school with a ‘respectable’ subject, the thought of pleasing everyone around me, the thought of living up to everybody’s expectations, resides somewhere in my brain, standing like a monster giving me a sly grin.
According to the world and *bahar ke chaar log* who tend to align our lives, I have a perfect reason to kill myself. Create a shell around myself, stop socializing and become an irritating teenager. But hey! Wait. Mumma significantly spent a lot of shekels on my education. [Ignoring the fact, that it’s just been 12 years of schooling. Because, anyhow it does matter.] I’m not going to waste it all. Let me deal this with wisdom. It’s time to put all the “enlightments”, all the hey-don’t-give-up teachings, [by oh-so-learned teachers], the lectures teemed up with optimism, the preaching’s of those motivating and inspiring pictures on Facebook to EXECUTION.
YO! Dear pessimistic thoughts, NO! I’m not killing myself. Or, becoming that one annoying and creepy 15-year-old that yells at everybody around and blames *kismat* for every loss. Rather, I’m going to kill you! And every single hint of your mere presence. This, is the time, to LET IT GO. I mean, imagine! Imagine a life without these flings? These worries, these sorrows, the heartbreaks, these downs? Woah. NOW THAT IS DEPRESSING! Isn’t it? The mere thought of leading a worry-free life is, tormenting! And makes me realize, DUDE! How would I even feel and realize that I actually LIVE? Eh. “A tension free life” Where everything would be flowery, colorful, delightful, rejoiceful, and, and just ‘perfect’. Well, No thanks! For, *Life* is a synonym for complication, anyway! How can ‘I’ be spared? Moreover, why should I be spared? All this defines ME. Tells me, I’m normal. I’m living. Tells me, grief is a part and parcel of this beautiful journey! This has to happen. We need to be defeated. To be dejected. At last, we’re humans not robots!
Soooo, hey my loyal companion aka lamenting notions, why don’t we part? You aren’t of any worth, anyway. For the best, you’d just magnify the griefs, the pains and put me into a despondent and low-spirited state! And, I don’t let you do that just for the sake of that one lets-commit-suicide thought, which incidentally crossed my mind. I know you can forgive me for that! Even the most intellectual spooks have once through their lifetime, acknowledged these gruesome thoughts and have been moved by the emotion! So why not me? I can’t be flawless. I can’t walk matching shoulders with you. I won’t give up. I’ll never give up. I’ll stand up again. I’ll not let these worldly things overpower the heavenly things around me. I have faith in me. In my God, in my mom, and that’s enough! I can’t achieve the plethora of perfection. I’ll be ME.
